Do Your Emotions Make You Weak?

Generally talking, human beings are extraordinarily conflicted about their feelings. So often, it could appear like we've a love-hate dating with them. What changed into your preliminary solution to the name of this newsletter? Did you answer yes or no? Chances are, you probably did no longer sense a hundred% in the back of your solution. Or more in particular, your heart and your thoughts probably do not constantly agree on this count number.

For example, you probably responded no in response to the identify. There are few those who would resoundingly and with a bit of luck solution, "Yes! Your emotions make you susceptible!" Yet if that is the case, why do human beings express regret once they cry? "Because after I cry, it makes other people uncomfortable, and so I make an apology for making them feel uneasy." Okay, this increases a few questions. Why are other humans uncomfortable along with your emotional expression? Or even deeper, why are you willing to stuff your feelings in order that other humans can be relaxed?

There are extra examples. Why do mother and father every now and then feel the want to stifle their kid's feelings? I am now not talking about throwing a match. Falling at the floor and screaming is a shape of manipulation that is ordinary for toddlers, and they need to research that they are able to make alternatives on the way to act once they experience frustrated. I am talking approximately sincere tears, excitement, or worry. Have you ever used or heard phrases, directed closer to children, consisting of: "Okay, you have cried lengthy sufficient, it's time to prevent crying;" or "Just stop being scared, you don't have any cause to be scared;" or "Don't be a crybaby;" or different similar terms?

Children take what their mother and father say critically. But the real statistics being shared with the aid of the above terms says extra approximately the grownup, not the kid. The adult is the only who's uncomfortable with emotional expression, so he or she stifles it inside the baby so that the person does no longer need to feel soreness. This discomfort with emotion also suggests up whilst we're "a success" at stifling our emotion. How oftentimes have you ever heard someone, after successfully retaining returned tears or emotion, say victoriously, "I turned into strong." I realize there are even movies out there, in which the scene suggests one family member pronouncing good-bye to every other family member that is being taken by using the villain, and one in every of them says, "Be sturdy,"...Meaning, "anything you do, don't cry!" Heaven forbid we experience a few emotion while we are being ripped faraway from our circle of relatives!

These messages are cultural. What are those messages pronouncing, exactly? They inform us that emotions are some thing to fight against. Aren't we supposed to combat towards dangerous things? When did our emotions emerge as something to preserve at bay or to look at out for? If feelings are dangerous, then which means they're a dysfunctional part of us. What do therapists do with dysfunctional things? We help people triumph over them. So, if these cultural messages are taken to the intense, we need to begin having therapists treat people until they sooner or later prevent feeling the ones "pesky feelings", and perhaps even have the physicians start figuring out how to repair the broken a part of our brains that we've misplaced control of by means of feeling.

I am being facetious, of course, however you get my point. I am now not involved that our society will begin actively combating towards feelings, however I am worried over how often we deal with feelings, for my part and in families, like they're obstacles or problems. Start being attentive to the way you, or different human beings around you, speak about emotion and you'll start to see signs of this sort of thinking.

So where did those cultural thoughts concerning emotion come from? While that is a complicated question, I accept as true with there are  major solutions to this question: 1) Some emotions are not fun to experience, so we like to avoid them; 2) Somewhere along the road, we careworn emotions with alternatives or behaviors.

The first solution is a touch more straightforward. I don't meet many folks that search for ways to sense sad or anxious, however we do spend a whole lot of time trying to figure out the way to sense happiness or exhilaration. We have a range of feelings, and for sake of argument, I will check with them as wonderful or bad. The nice emotions are the ones we love to sense and the negative ones are the feelings we discover uncomfortable. But I want to be clear that my use of the word terrible in this situation does no longer imply terrible or dangerous. A magnet has a nice and negative pole, and we cannot say one quit is higher than the opposite. So definitely positioned, it is human nature to want to keep away from the terrible emotions. However, in case you are taught the importance of emotion (which seldom happens in our culture), you will know that averting poor emotions comes with a personal and relational cost, so that you muster up the courage to face them and experience them.

The second solution is more insidious and does no longer stem from human nature, but rather from defective ideals handed down via generations. Confusing emotions with our behaviors is all too not unusual. Have you ever watched someone yell and make contact with any individual rude names, and then have the alternative character say to them, "Stop acting angry"? A child manipulates a discern to exchange their thoughts through throwing a tantrum, and the discern tells the child, among other matters, to "prevent feeling unhappy." As a way of life, we give directives to different human beings on a regular foundation approximately how to feel. We tell people to "be glad", or "do not be scared" or "do not be sad", and so on. We deal with emotion as though it is some switch that we will simply activate or off on command. When turned into the remaining time you felt definitely unhappy and were capable of just say, "Okay, I am performed being unhappy," and without delay experience glad? If you have that transfer, I assure you'll make tens of millions if you begin selling it. Oh wait...We do have the ones kinds of switches...They're called addictive substances or experiences. I am no longer recommending you grow to be a drug dealer.

Our emotions are not the equal things as our behaviors. When you sense angry, you can pick out a way to reply to it. You can attempt to repress it, or you can reply in a few different healthful or unhealthy manner. Feeling anger and throwing some thing are  various things. Our way of life treats feelings as although they are terrible picks that we want to accurate. The infant who feels too sad is every so often punished simply as though he had lied or stolen. This explains where the concept of being vulnerable came from, mainly if you are male. If feelings are the same as behaviors, then you would assume that someone who feels sad is also going to behave according. "I sense sad, so I am no longer going to work for a month." "I am irritated, so I am going to head torture a few animals." "I actually have cried loads this week, so I am glaringly going loopy and am a failure to society." If you believe feelings need to result in certain behaviors, then no marvel human beings grow to be scared of them. I might be scared, too, if I knew that someone's anger guaranteed they were going to behave with out restraint.

But feelings do not same behaviors. We need to forestall seeking to preserve people on top conduct by trying to control their emotions. We want to forestall repressing our own feelings out of fear that they will be our undoing.

Here's the exciting paradox:

Your feelings are more likely to negatively influence your behaviors when you ignore and repress your feelings.

You are most likely to make healthy alternatives when you face and feel your emotions.

So, the answer to the question of this article is: No, your feelings do not make you weak. If you're a man and you cry, there may be no proof whatsoever that you're going to awaken tomorrow and unexpectedly be a weakling who can't do his activity anymore. If you are a lady and you certainly let human beings see that you get worn-out and experience overwhelmed, your kids are not going to die and also you aren't going to emerge as a terrible mother. People within our subculture will nevertheless judge you for your emotion, but that doesn't lead them to right any extra than racism is proper simply due to the fact a few humans are nevertheless racist.

So I want you to examine the quote that inspired me to write down this text. It is terrific and I need all of you to take it to heart. The quote is by Washington Irving:


"There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weak point, but of power. They communicate greater eloquently than 10000 tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief...And unspeakable love."
Emotions are what make you human.

They make lifestyles worth dwelling.

Emotions bring which means to suffering.

They permit human beings to connect with one another in pleasure.

Emotions handiest move incorrect when human beings repress them or use them as equipment and excuses. Emotions are for feeling and for giving us facts. When I am unhappy, that is not an excuse to shirk all obligation. It is also no longer an excuse to manipulate others into rescuing me from my personal accountability for my emotions. My emotions are not to make others sense bad or to get my manner or to govern.

Feel your emotions for what they're, and examine from them. Recognize that feelings aren't correct or horrific, they just ARE. They are a part of you and if you combat in opposition to emotion, you're combating against your self. Instead, examine why you feel the manner you do. Look on the messages below your emotion, and decide whether or no longer the messages are healthy.

Thank your emotions for steering you and teaching you.

Thank your emotions for giving you strength and the ability to like.

Thank your emotions for permitting you to grieve so you can heal and emerge as extra compassionate.

Appreciate your emotions for supporting you analyze from your errors and regrets.

Allow yourself to experience the bad feelings so you can feel the